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Newest - Highway to Hell - DREEEEEEW!
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Weekly Dose of Thunder #5
Our Song
Rich Cerow
In a lot of movies and TV shows that I’ve seen in my time, couples always seem to have a “song” that is
“theirs.” Oftentimes, a plot will revolve around the wife insisting that the husband identify their song,
which he comically can’t recall. That lout. Eventually he makes it up to her by playing an acoustic guitar
and singing their song to her outside of their bedroom window. I don’t actually know anybody in reality who
has a song, nor have I ever, in the course of many, many romantic endeavors, had a song. But, still, this
practice must exist, so for those of you out there who are deeply ashamed that you and your girlfriend’s song
is “Informer” by Snow because that’s what you chose all those years ago and now you’re stuck with it, there’s
nothing I can do. But I can save those about to commit to a song for life from making some of the same mistakes
you did.
Now, picking a song seems like it should be easy. For instance, if you were a farm boy from Iowa who
packed up and moved to New York City, and you met a girl who was running from a vaguely troubled past, you
would think that you should go with “Don’t Stop Believing” by Foreigner. Or, if you were dating a girl
named Michelle, your song would be “Michelle” by the Beatles (but never “My Michelle” by Guns ‘n’ Roses).
Or, if you were dating a girl in an acid-wash jean jacket, your song would be “Heaven” by Warrant. Or
“Cherry Pie,” if she played things fast and loose and flashed people from the back of your motorcycle.
And these all seem like good choices, except they make the one fatal mistake of picking our song; they are
actually too accurate in reflecting the current state of your relationship. Now, remember, this is
something you are going to be stuck with for a long time. And your girlfriend will (hopefully) not be flashing
people from the back of your hog forever. So you need to pick something much more vague. And, if you really
wanna do this right, you should go with something totally unrelated to love and/or romance. Political songs are
great for this.
He's playing "Message in a Bottle" but he's doing the John Mayer cover.
"Our song" faux pas city.
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For instance, “Washington Bullets” by the Clash is about imperialism in a post-colonial world,
roughly, and could be perfect for any kind of relationship. All you’ll have to do is either A) if you’re young,
pretend that you care deeply about politics, or B) if you’re old, pretend that you used to care deeply about the
plight of third world nations. That will be the connection that the song sparked and got the two of you interested
in one another, or maybe you both just like deep, rumbling reggae bass grooves. For obvious reasons. Also, the
Clash will always have some rock critic cache, so you’ll never have to be totally embarrassed by them.
An alternative here is to pick something psychedelic and/or indie rock. Because those lyrics make absolutely
no sense, ever, and thus any meaning at any time can be applied to them. For instance, if you chose “My White
Bicycle” by Tomorrow, early in your relationship the obvious riding metaphor can be applied. Or, later, it could
be about how you maintain and care for the white bicycle, just like you do a long-lasting, meaningful relationship.
Personally, I think that guy just got high and rode his bike around, but, you know, you can have your own
interpretation. Lots of indie rock songs might have actual lyrics that don’t revolve around whimsical, nostalgic
trips to one’s own childhood, but generally no one can understand them, so you’re free to make up your own as suits
the situation.
Of course, people may ask you why “your song” doesn’t seem to be romantic at all. I suggest you just act
totally dismissive towards these people. If you act like your love is so deep that this nimrod could never hope
to understand its intricacies, you will never have to explain yourself. And you will seem like your souls connect
on some deep, spiritual level, which will make you much more attractive to the ladies.
I do have one caveat: if you were dating in 1992, your song should definitely be that Bryan Adams songs
“Everything I Do, I do It For You,” as featured in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. I just melt when I
hear that one. If you want to sweep me off your feet with an acoustic or a cappella version of it, send the mp3
to rich@xtremewailing.com. I’ll be waiting.
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