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Thoughts on Wailing

Mozart was the greatest composer to ever live, Ben Franklin was a master statesman and inventor, George Washington is the guy on the one dollar bill and we three are here to share the gift of Xtreme wailing with you - the good people of the Internet.

The greater unified theory of wailing has been with us for many years now. Just as a plant turns to the sun or my broke ass friend Dave still gets his unemployment, we rock hard. Wailing is in our marrow, in our very DNA, woven into the fabric of our being.

Many don't know how to wail; of this group some don't care to ever learn - this is the saddest group. Others think they can wail but cannot. They spend hours, days, weeks, months, years, decades, centuries ... sorry my button is broken ... trying to learn how to wail but never do. Some may come close, like a Canadian trying to pass for an American everything is fine until a lone aboot slips out at the most inopportune time and the illusion shatters like a pane of glass. God bless these souls for trying but it will never be.

Next there is the group that actually can wail... These include Axl Rose, Jimi Hendrix, Cannonball Adderly, and Shela from accounting. Sadley even this exclusive group has something missing. Even they cannot Xtreme Wail as we can. Oh sure, those who wail put on a good show; they tend to party all the time and open for bands like Antedote and have beautiful women (and sometimes dudes) throw themselves at their feet. This life is hollow for where it counts they are lacking.

Those who can only marginally wail do not have the same lunatic intensity we do. For example Axl Rose would never base jump off the Sears Tower while playing a 16-string bass and electric keyboard. It just so happens we are planning this feat next month. You guys should check it out as it will be pretty damn sweet.

I will leave you with one of my favorite haiku*

*Note that haiku is the same in both the singular and the plural just
like moose and geese and probably some other animals.

Running With Scissors
Gimmie a Top Gun High-Five
Emergency Room

If you love meaningless poems with a strict adherence to a structured syllabic count, please send your very best haiku to


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