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The Opposite of Wailing


It is important for those of us who are among the Master Wailers of the Universe to take time out every now and again to contemplate the plight of The Mass Who Do Not Wail. It is difficult to characterize them except to note their absence of wailage; there is a myriad of pitfalls on the Yellow Rock Road. Here are some common habits that prevent a person from rocking on a higher plane.
Bill Evans never wailed. Not even once.

Humming or half-singing a song. Either belt it out or donít sing. It doesnít matter if you know the words as long as you ride the wail-wave with your attitude and facial expressions. There are plenty of musicians out there who donít even know the words to their own songs. Kurt Cobain is ostensibly singing ďHello, hello, hello, how low?Ē but really itís a mumble delivered with a steady wail. Being able to hold a note is also optional. Just launch into the chorus with a furrowed brow and no will care if your C above high C was sharp or not.

Being bored in traffic. We all have very interesting and important places to go every day. It is a sign that you are diametrically opposed to wailing if you miss the opportunity to enhance your wailing skills during travel time. Since youíre already on the way to pick up some extra guitars in case of an emergency you might as well be shaking the frame of your vehicle with heart-skipping drum solos. The reason why so many hard-rockers come from small towns is that these people drive around rocking out all day with no where else to go.

Avoiding potentially embarrassing situations. Youíve just arrived at the beach and all of your friends are stripping to their bathing suits. If you are going to leave your shirt and shorts on because your skin is practically reflective or your paunch hangs out then you have shut the door to wailing already. The moment you decide to not care about some personal short-coming and play volley ball with some greased up dudes is the moment when you begin to concentrate on executing a photosynthesis-energized precision spike. Or in other words, youíve finally given yourself the possibility to wail.

So stop reading this and leap over something while giving yourself a high-five. Or walk around with a Hello Kitty shirt (for guys) or an Everquest shirt (for girls) like itís no thing. If you can identify the opposites of wailing in your routine and bust out of them life will get a lot more interesting. And to find out if you really wail, combine all of the lessons presented here and drive around town with your windows down singing at the top of your lungs, even at stoplights. If someone waiting next to you smiles or bestows a thumbs-up on you, you know youíre on the right track.

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