|
|
|
Newest - Highway to Hell - DREEEEEEW!
|
Judge a Book by Its Cover
Special Phone Book Showdown!
Drew
Dear readers you are in for a tasty treat in this installment of JaB
(that’s Judge a Book for you newbies). Tonight’s showdown pits the world
heavyweight champion 2006-2007 Chicago Yellow book against the up and comer
SBC Yellow Pages Neighborhood Edition. Let’s begin with the challenger.
The Yellow Pages, where Clowns and Crack Dealers
are only 8 pages apart.
|
|
Measuring in at a nimble 10 ¼" x 7" x 1/2" this svelte tome floats like
a butterfly and reads like a pamphlet. Neatly color coded side bars separate
the community living, yellow pages index, restaurants, and coupons sections.
The cover also shows a picture perfect view of Café Brauer at Lincoln Park above
an inset map of the neighborhood. The book covers only two area codes--773 and 312--with
nothing but hate and scorn for those poor bastards sporting an 847 or God forbid 708 prefix.
The last point to be made of the cover is the bold but understated declaration "Since 1886." To me
this is a bit puzzling. I want to know what a phone book circa 1886 looked like. Was it a
tri-fold? Did it read something like this?
Lincoln, Abe ... 1
Shatner, William ... 5
Thatcher, Margaret ... 8
The spine of this neighborhood wonder hardly bears mention so we will proceed directly
to the back where HAY-OH there is a foxy lady. She’s all laying out on the floor with a big smile,
piping hot cup of coffee, and her laptop computer. The inset text shouts (with 5 separate exclamation
points mind you) News! Weather! Sports! Entertainment! Online Yellow Pages & More! Nice job printing
up an entire phone directory only to point me to the Information Superhighway. You must kill at Arbor
Day festivals SBC!
If Kate Moss was a book, she would be the
Yellow Pages Neighborhood Edition.
|
|
On to the King of Sting. The Master of Disaster. The Count of Monte Fisto--the 2006-2007 Chicago
Yellow Book. This puppy tips the scales at 5.6 lbs and has a take no prisoners disposition about it.
The graphics package that adorns the cover is very plain with tacky ads for NorthStar Heating and Air
and the Chicago Blackhawks. I can understand the middling Blackhawks resorting to such cheap marketing
ploys but not NorthStar Heating and Air--I have to say I’m disappointed in those folks.
The cover also sports a map of the area covered (which I believe is required by phone book law) in
the phone book. This includes Rogers Park, Jefferson Park, Hyde Park, Park Park, and of course the
aforementioned Lincoln Park. So this phonebook must score some points since it contains the entire
area specified in the Neighborhood edition. It does, however, lose points for being started in 1930 which
everyone knows was a horrible year for the stock market and the telephone directory industry.
After turning the massive taxi-cab-yellow book to get a peek at the back the contest was over.
Barry R. Rabovsky--Ambulance Chaser and handsome dude--has a full color back cover with two contact
phone numbers! There’s even the phrase "we speak English" in 4 languages (Espanol, Russian, and Polsku)!
Finally the sheer girth of a major city’s yellow pages makes it an ideal spider killing weapon. When you
need an arachnid carpet bomb you call in Barry R. Rabovsky but for the surgical strike go with the Neighboord
edition.
Barry R. Rabovsky
Kickin' Ass, Chasin' Ambulances
Join us next week when we tackle cookbooks and grill operations manuals.
All editions of Judge a Book By Its cover
|
|