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Bride of Your Favorite Terrible Stand-Up Comic

Rich Cerow

Just got back from picking up my hoop-dee, and while driving home in my slick new whip, came up with another one for ya. Talent, yo.
In 1831, Harold Adams set the buggy world on its head, and raised the bar for horses everywhere, by travelling from Boston, MA to Richmond, VA in a record-smashing 56 days.

So, I was listening to the radio the other day, and this ad came on and it actually used the phrase “who has time in this fast-paced modern world.” Now, I remember this being a popular phrase when I was a kid, even though, without the internet and everything, things weren’t that fast-paced. Sure, you had BetaMax changing the way people saw Ishtar, but things were still relatively genteel. So, I figure, they’ve probably been using this phrase forever. Can you imagine, twenty years ago trying to sell Eli Whitney’s revolutionary cotton gin, with “In today’s fast-paced world, who has time to harvest their own cotton anymore? With horses-and-buggies blazing past you at breakneck speed, guns reloading in a mere fifteen, sometimes ten seconds, who can find the time to till their own fields?” I feel like you could clean up back then. I mean, do you think ads for the latest butter churn had girls in bikinis back then? No way. I’d sell butter churns so quick, it really would be a “fast-paced” world. And I’d be so accustomed to the fuller schedule of today’s society, I’d seem like some kind of office dynamo on Madison Avenue. Cause people back then were totally lazy. Letting that horse-and-buggy do all the work. Disgraceful.

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