Newest - Highway to Hell - DREEEEEEW!
By Drew McEleney
I want a dune buggy. There, I said it. As a kid we all wanted things that were completely outlandish.
Little girls wanted ponies or a mother that loved them. Little boys wanted a jet airplane or a commando attack
fortress. I am the exception to the rule since then now and forever I want a dune buggy.
Porsche 911 following a Pimp My Ride transformation
You may be asking why a 24 year old living somewhere other than his parents basement working a
respectable full time job for a respectable company would want a dune buggy. But I put the question to you
dear reader - who the hell wouldnt want a dune buggy?
I mean just consider the myriad benefits of dune buggy ownership:
* Reduced Commute Time: I have to drive 20+ miles to work each day and do it in style.
We all know that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line right? I could make the commute
in around 15 miles in a dune buggy. Sure I might have to run through some fences or jump some sweet dirt ramps
but thats half the fun. Of course I would equip my new vehicle with some fine 22s, a nice grille,
a roll cage, and a winch so I could extricate myself from any situation.
* Increased Style and Class: Nothing says Im better than you quite like a dune buggy. These
days people are out to buy the biggest, baddest, almost-tank SUVs on the market to tell the world how cool they
are. Theres no better way to wipe the smile off a Hummer (R) owners face than popping wheelies while
circling his car only to jump over a 30 foot cliff into quicksand. Yes, I said it, quicksand. I hear an
anti-quicksand option is to come standard on all 2005 models.
I told you so.
* Automatic Carpool Lane Privileges: Since a dune buggy is very energy efficient, it is probably
exempt from carpool lane restrictions. This means you can ride right past the chumps sitting in gridlock on the
LBJ by kicking it into high gear and riding the fast lane. You dont even need to find a homeless person
to bribe into riding with you so you can legally use the lane! ++
* Misc. Benefits: There are probably lots of dune buggy clubs out there with hot women members.
If I can qualify in their next rally I might have a shot with the redhead. We all know Im a sucker for
You should avoid getting a dune buggy if you are lame, do not like to have fun, love the style and power
of a mini-van, or have a heart condition.
So this year I know where my bonus and tax returns are going - into a no-load mutual fund. I mean dune buggy.
++Please note that there is no state in America where it is even remotely legal to ride a dune buggy on public roads. If you dont believe me, try it and send the tape of you getting arrested to firstname.lastname@example.org