Newest - Highway to Hell - DREEEEEEW!
Wreckx and Effect are easily the best New Jack Swing Hip-Hop Duo ever.
This website has seen some amazing changes in the past couple of months, with the opening of
our conspicously empty message board, the beginnings of our first ever contest (and I've got the
idea for the second one in place - one lucky kid will win a trip to Washington, DC, if they tell
me in 500 words or less why America is great - note that there is no way we have the funds to
send somebody on an all-expenses paid trip to our nation's capital), and a flurry of activity
both from the Founding Father's and now even guest contributors. I'm also working on solving
the world's energy crisis with a generator that runs on children's tears. Basically, we're just
gonna have to pay a guy to punch Santa in the face repeatedly while kids dangle over the
tear-collecting funnels connected to the world's electrical systems. I'm taking applications
for that job now, by the way. I think it's gonna be heavily competetive, so get your CVs in
order, and send me the "after" photos of at least three fools you've brought a reckoning to. If
any of them are former WWF Superstars Honky Tonk Man or either member of Demolition, then you're
hired. But if you busted up Nature Boy Ric Flair, then you and I are gonna have words.
Anyway, we definitely are kickin' it up three, maybe four notches on this site right about now.
But we haven't quite reached critical mass - we don't have that one thing that is gonna push us
over the edge and get your Mom on this crazy computer thing-a-ma-jig and see what all the fuss
you kids are making is about. We don't have our "Dancing Baby" or "Star Wars Kid" or "Asian
Backstreet Boys" to call our own. And we need that to sweep cyberspace and make the internet such
a part of everyday life that you start ordering pizza on it, like Sandra Bullock in
The Net. A word of warning, though: if you are ordering pizza over the Internet, then
please don't click any random icons in your open game of Doom, as that may grant you access
to the CIA's top secret plans to ruin some random citizen's life. For fun, on the weekends. Before
we get to that point where everyone needs to recruit Dennis Miller to help them out of a ridiculous
jam, this website really needs one more radical redesign to truly take off - we need a theme song.
And a music video we can spread virally on YouTube to draw traffic over here.
I am talking something that rocks really hard, but is funny at the same time. Something that
will obnoxiously blare any time you load our page, so that your boss knows you're goofing off at
work. Something that can have an accompanying poorly-choreographed video that features three lame
white guys poorly miming old 'N Sync moves while somebody's grandpa wheels by in the foreground,
and maybe does a cool 360 in the middle. Then the three of us groan "Oh you rockin' grandpa!" and
chase him off-camera. Maybe we could also get some hot chicks shaking their rumps (all I wanna do
is zoom-a zoom zoom zoom in a boom-boom) in there, cause every video's gotta have hot chicks, and
this would give me an excuse to meet some of them. I've always wondered what they look like up
close and in person. I bet they smell nice.
Seriously. Hot, hot women spend all day goofing off on the Internet. I mean,
the 'net--she's a hacker.
Anyway, if you have any rockitudinous talent, or can edit a video like WHOA!, pop over to the
message board or e-mail email@example.com with a
link to some of your tunage, or some mp3's if you like (the rockingest digital media compression
format of them all) and help us out. I'm working on some lyrics about blowing off a date with your
lady right now, and trust me, they are gonna rocket us into the stratosphere, right next to Sputnik.
Renumeration for your services will be provided in tuna melts and hugs.