Newest - Highway to Hell - DREEEEEEW!

Under Construction

Rich Cerow
Wreckx and Effect are easily the best New Jack Swing Hip-Hop Duo ever.

This website has seen some amazing changes in the past couple of months, with the opening of our conspicously empty message board, the beginnings of our first ever contest (and I've got the idea for the second one in place - one lucky kid will win a trip to Washington, DC, if they tell me in 500 words or less why America is great - note that there is no way we have the funds to send somebody on an all-expenses paid trip to our nation's capital), and a flurry of activity both from the Founding Father's and now even guest contributors. I'm also working on solving the world's energy crisis with a generator that runs on children's tears. Basically, we're just gonna have to pay a guy to punch Santa in the face repeatedly while kids dangle over the tear-collecting funnels connected to the world's electrical systems. I'm taking applications for that job now, by the way. I think it's gonna be heavily competetive, so get your CVs in order, and send me the "after" photos of at least three fools you've brought a reckoning to. If any of them are former WWF Superstars Honky Tonk Man or either member of Demolition, then you're hired. But if you busted up Nature Boy Ric Flair, then you and I are gonna have words.

Anyway, we definitely are kickin' it up three, maybe four notches on this site right about now. But we haven't quite reached critical mass - we don't have that one thing that is gonna push us over the edge and get your Mom on this crazy computer thing-a-ma-jig and see what all the fuss you kids are making is about. We don't have our "Dancing Baby" or "Star Wars Kid" or "Asian Backstreet Boys" to call our own. And we need that to sweep cyberspace and make the internet such a part of everyday life that you start ordering pizza on it, like Sandra Bullock in The Net. A word of warning, though: if you are ordering pizza over the Internet, then please don't click any random icons in your open game of Doom, as that may grant you access to the CIA's top secret plans to ruin some random citizen's life. For fun, on the weekends. Before we get to that point where everyone needs to recruit Dennis Miller to help them out of a ridiculous jam, this website really needs one more radical redesign to truly take off - we need a theme song. And a music video we can spread virally on YouTube to draw traffic over here.

Seriously. Hot, hot women spend all day goofing off on the Internet. I mean, the 'net--she's a hacker.
I am talking something that rocks really hard, but is funny at the same time. Something that will obnoxiously blare any time you load our page, so that your boss knows you're goofing off at work. Something that can have an accompanying poorly-choreographed video that features three lame white guys poorly miming old 'N Sync moves while somebody's grandpa wheels by in the foreground, and maybe does a cool 360 in the middle. Then the three of us groan "Oh you rockin' grandpa!" and chase him off-camera. Maybe we could also get some hot chicks shaking their rumps (all I wanna do is zoom-a zoom zoom zoom in a boom-boom) in there, cause every video's gotta have hot chicks, and this would give me an excuse to meet some of them. I've always wondered what they look like up close and in person. I bet they smell nice.

Anyway, if you have any rockitudinous talent, or can edit a video like WHOA!, pop over to the message board or e-mail with a link to some of your tunage, or some mp3's if you like (the rockingest digital media compression format of them all) and help us out. I'm working on some lyrics about blowing off a date with your lady right now, and trust me, they are gonna rocket us into the stratosphere, right next to Sputnik. Renumeration for your services will be provided in tuna melts and hugs.

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