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A Response to Band Names

Jim Jenista

Drew! That's right, I'm calling you out. You told folks that if they were starting a band they should consider some of your radical names. What with the proliferation of band-based video games flooding the public conscious there is a greater need for band names than ever! And if someone needs a name, well Drew, I'm sorry to say that they should use my names. The music biz is rough and tumble and I'm gunning for your spot!

Let's just start off with some clear-cut awesome band names:
Coke Machine Zeros
It's got angst, cool colors and as a bonus you support taste infringement which sticks it to the man.
20-Something Geezers
Face it--the naughts are the age of the geek, plain and simple. And no one is geekier than your 20-something nerd burgers that go to bed early and don't drink five nights a week because the hang over isn't worth it. We're an army and we need a band to lead us to progressive-rock-soundtracks-heaven.
Bikini Inspectors
No explanation needed, it's just the essense of being in a band.

Your band name doesn't always have to communicate so much information. After much scientific study it is clear that people like band names with hidden meaning so they can show other people how much cooler they are than that other person when that other person doesn't know what the band name means and they do. If you know what all of these band names mean, then you are probably a way-cool 20-something geezer:
  • A) Barrel-Chested Mayors
  • B) I'm Not Dinah
  • C) Marrying Lorraine Someday
Answer Key (if you read this answer key you are probably uncool) A) Reference to Mike Haggar of Final Fight. B) Line from Dead Man on Campus. C) Reference to Biff's ridiculous plan to make a girl marry him by force in Back to the Future.

If you are feeling sort of evil, maniacal, and/or white you could always go with an 80's movie corporation theme:
  • Evil CEO
  • Shotgun Betrayal
  • I. K. T. M. (I'll Kill Them Myself)
Sometimes band names defy explanation. Sorry Dad, you just don't get it.
  • Bed-Ridden Love
  • God Plays Troll
  • Jugless Gamers
  • Kitten Patrol
  • Casual Suggestion
  • 13 PoWn3rz
Undoubtedly you are reeling from the overwhelming breadth of possibilities I have just unleashed upon you like standing in front of 10-foot mega-speakers while someone shreds the Free Bird solo in your face. It's ok, it takes time to digest. So take a moment to relax and free your mind before I present the best band names I could think of.


...and stare at this awesome angel sword.

The Best Band Names I Can Think Of:
  • Hate Our Band
  • Burgers For Breakfast
  • Zoltar Speaks
That's it! If you've got the world's most awesome band name ever you should probably post it on our message boards in this thread right away before someone steals the idea--again, it's the nature of the music industry beast. Until next time, friends.

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