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A Bier & A Cosmo

Rich Cerow

When I think about it, the buddy cop comedy has to be the easiest movie genre to just plug characters in and go. All you have to do is ensure that your characters couldnít be more different (oneís a loose cannon, oneís by the book; oneís a smooth ladies man, the otherís a forty-year-old virgin; oneís a small black child, the otherís Burt Reynolds; you get it), but somehow, against all the odds, they overcome their differences and learn a valuable lesson from one another. I have to admit, I enjoy this template immensely, especially if that lovable Mel Gibson is involved, but lately Iíve found Hollywood slacking in this department.
And I think, given the relaxing of long-held prejudices against gays and lesbians in our culture, the time has come for this genre to be revived with a gay buddy cop movie. Iím telling you, this is gonna be huge.

Picture this: Jack Bier is the toughest, most no-nonsense guy on the force. He always gets the job done, and he doesnít mind busting a few heads in the process. But, boy, was he in for a surprise when the Captain, who was tired of Bierís flaunting in the face of authority and putting one too many civilians in danger, pairs him up with another cop who always gets his man: Cosmo. Just Cosmo.
And, of course, watch out when these two get together because sparks will fly! Just imagine, Bier all super-serious with his three-day shadow and dirty trench coat, out to drink away the pain in his heart because his wife left him when he got too wrapped up in a murder he never solved, and right by his side Cosmo wearing leather chaps and a tight pink tank top. That juxtaposition is hilarity in itself! But then when we find out that Cosmoís only worked the desk, and that he screams like a girl when the gunplay kicks in, so Bier has to step in and save his tuckus, but then one of the evil anonymous henchman breaks Cosmoís nail and that is it, heís had enough mister and goes ballistic and takes out a whole slew of evildoers. And thatís when, hey, Bier realizes maybe this guy isnít so bad after all and the just might be able to makes things work. Cosmo finds his connection to Bier when he gets too drunk and starts talking about his ex-wife, and Cosmo realizes that thereís still a person underneath those clothes! Ugh! So he teaches Bier how to communicate better, and to talk to her ďlike one of the girlsĒ and eventually, at the end when he saves her after sheís been kidnapped by the evil drug dealers, they get back together. But this time things are gonna be different. Also, the bad guy will probably end up being the Mayor or somebody who put these two together because who wouldíve thought they could work out their differences and solve this case? I guess he didnít count on a Bier and a Cosmo to go down so smooth together! Then they all walk away into the sunset laughing as the end credits roll.

If this movie sounds totally awesome to you, and youíd like to buy the idea and do all the work of writing the script and pulling the money together to get this made, e-mail me at rich@xtremewailing.com, and I will gladly take a sizable percentage of the gross as well as hold exclusive merchandising rights.


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