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A Bier & A Cosmo
Rich Cerow
When I think about it, the buddy cop comedy has to be the easiest movie genre to just plug characters in
and go. All you have to do is ensure that your characters couldn’t be more different (one’s a loose cannon,
one’s by the book; one’s a smooth ladies man, the other’s a forty-year-old virgin; one’s a small black child,
the other’s Burt Reynolds; you get it), but somehow, against all the odds, they overcome their differences and
learn a valuable lesson from one another. I have to admit, I enjoy this template immensely, especially if that
lovable Mel Gibson is involved, but lately I’ve found Hollywood slacking in this department.
And I think, given
the relaxing of long-held prejudices against gays and lesbians in our culture, the time has come for this genre
to be revived with a gay buddy cop movie. I’m telling you, this is gonna be huge.
Picture this: Jack Bier is the toughest, most no-nonsense guy on the force. He always gets the job done,
and he doesn’t mind busting a few heads in the process. But, boy, was he in for a surprise when the Captain,
who was tired of Bier’s flaunting in the face of authority and putting one too many civilians in danger, pairs
him up with another cop who always gets his man: Cosmo. Just Cosmo.
And, of course, watch out when
these two get together because sparks will fly! Just imagine, Bier all super-serious with his three-day shadow
and dirty trench coat, out to drink away the pain in his heart because his wife left him when he got too wrapped
up in a murder he never solved, and right by his side Cosmo wearing leather chaps and a tight pink tank top. That
juxtaposition is hilarity in itself!
But then when we find out that Cosmo’s only worked the desk, and that he
screams like a girl when the gunplay kicks in, so Bier has to step in and save his tuckus, but then one of the evil
anonymous henchman breaks Cosmo’s nail and that is it, he’s had enough mister and goes ballistic and takes out a
whole slew of evildoers. And that’s when, hey, Bier realizes maybe this guy isn’t so bad after all and the just
might be able to makes things work. Cosmo finds his connection to Bier when he gets too drunk and starts talking
about his ex-wife, and Cosmo realizes that there’s still a person underneath those clothes! Ugh! So he
teaches Bier how to communicate better, and to talk to her “like one of the girls” and eventually, at the end when
he saves her after she’s been kidnapped by the evil drug dealers, they get back together. But this time things are
gonna be different. Also, the bad guy will probably end up being the Mayor or somebody who put these two together
because who would’ve thought they could work out their differences and solve this case? I guess he didn’t count
on a Bier and a Cosmo to go down so smooth together! Then they all walk away into the sunset laughing as the end
credits roll.
If this movie sounds totally awesome to you, and you’d like to buy the idea and do all the work of writing the
script and pulling the money together to get this made, e-mail me at
rich@xtremewailing.com, and I will gladly take
a sizable percentage of the gross as well as hold exclusive merchandising rights.
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