Theme Song for Joey
Rich Cerow
I’ve never seen Joey on NBC, Friends’ uglier, less popular kid sister, who wouldn’t
have a prayer of a drunken make-out session with the president of the A/V club, let alone be America’s
sweetheart and on the arm of the captain of the football team the way Friends was. Anyway, despite
having never seen it, I suspect that I know exactly what the theme song sounds like, and I’ve got my lyrics
to that song right here. Just imagine a vaguely rockin’ tune behind these words. They should probably get
Kenny Loggins to do it.
What is that Joey doing wearing a suit in the pool?!
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You’re on your own,
You’re gonna make it after all,
You’re on your own,
And nothing’s gonna stop you now
You’re heading out West,
With your Dreams in your pocket,
The sunshine is warm
And the future is bright
You’re the best you’ll ever be!
You’re on your own,
The world is at your feet,
You’re on your own,
Come on, Drea. Diving from Sopranos to Joey is even
worse than Meadow showing up on I Love the '90s: Part Deux.
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You’re taking it to the street
You’ve left your “Friends” behind,
But their love is in your heart,
It helps you make it through
It helps you make it right
You believe in yourself, it’s all you need!
You’re on your own,
Your life lays before you
It’s time to put yourself
To the test
It’s time to make it true
It’s time to live your dreams!
Obviously, the whole time the song plays see a montage of Joey like, driving in a convertible while palm
trees pass by. You know, and he’s probably wearing sunglasses while he’s driving, because he’s in Hollywood.
Oh, and they probably show quick shots of the Hollywood sign, and Mann’s Chinese Theater, you know, all the
landmarks. Just to remind everybody that the show takes place in L.A.
If the theme song doesn’t actually sound anything like this, and the producers of Joey think it
might help revive their sagging enterprise, they can send $15,000.00 in small, unmarked bills to
rich@xtremewailing.com. And come alone.
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