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90 Second Movie Review: Kicking and Screaming

Rich Cerow

I have to admit I was blown away by this one. I mean, when Will Ferrell shows up at that first day of practice and sees that motley crew, the team that nobody has any faith in, I thought, “He’s got his work cut out for him here. Oh, boy, how’s he ever gonna whip these losers into shape.” But you know what? Judging by this trailer he may actually do it. I mean, sure, in order to beat their arch-rivals who humiliated them at the beginning of the season in order to make into the playoffs, they’ll probably have to resort to some crazy trick play that the really unathletic kid with fantastic managerial skills came up with.
It was pure coincidence that Will's newest pick from the Sean Jean athletic line matched the Tigers uniforms. The stopwatch is by Flava Flav.
Also, that play will probably have a ridiculous name, like if the team is called the Eagles then they’ll go into “Attack Formation” or do “the Swoop-In.” And the coach will fire them up by saying something like “Let’s make these guys nearly extinct!” or “They’ll never see it coming ‘cause they don’t have the eagle eye like you guys do!” of course, though, the team and the coach will all learn a valuable lesson (probably in the locker during halftime of the Big Game) that it’s not about winning and losing, but about getting out there and having fun. Then, because they’re such good sports and they believe in themselves, they’ll win anyway. So, it’s kind of the best of both worlds. But the important thing is that now those anonymously evil kids (some of whom should probably have mustaches) will finally respect them. Or be even angrier at them because they were humiliated at the Big Game and beat them even worse at school the next day. It won’t matter because the end credits will have rolled long before then. Probably over a freeze frame of the team celebrating and lifting the littlest guy, who nobody thought could ever do it but managed to make that final penalty kick that won the game. And all because he dared to dream.

What your girlfriend will think of you if you take her to see Kicking and Screaming: That you’re European. Which a lot of girls are into, so I’d go with that. Because, you know, if you’re over the age of five and American, there’s just no way you actually care about soccer. Certainly not enough to see a movie about it. So, if you’re faking being European, I say you tell her you’re Greek. Then, just grow a mustache. Mustaches are cool in Europe. The way the wind feels blowing through it as you drive down the Autobahn in your Lamborghini. Yeah…

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