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90 Second Movie Review: XXX: State of the Union
It seems that every spy movie has that crazy car with the rockets built in that pop out
at the push of a button, and the new XXX is no exception. Of course, since it’s
Ice Cube as XXX, the car is a low rider rather than an Aston Martin, but nevertheless a cool
spy car with a bunch of wacky gadgets.
Basically, the guy is driving a Transformer with 22-inch
rims slapped on it. Which got me thinking, were they around today, would the Transformers
“get pimped,” as the popular parlance goes? I mean, would they throw a DVD player on the back of
Optimus Prime’s head or put an Xbox in Hot Shot’s trunk? How about the decepticons? Is Megatron
gonna get all chromed up? I think Starscream might look good with some fuzzy dice hanging from his
rear view mirror, if robotic alien jets have rear view mirrors. Oh, and just mark this movie down
as another in a long line of post-Pulp Fiction disappointments from Samuel L. Jackson (who
is still one bad mother…shut yo’ mouth!).
These guys aren't very good commandos since they're obviously
entranced by an offscreen spy siren. (As opposed to the sailor
siren, which modern science has proven to actually be a walrus.)
What your girlfriend will think of you if you take her to see XXX: State of the Union:
Just take her to an actual triple XXX movie instead. Trust me, the conversation on the drive home will
be much more interesting.
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