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90 Second Movie Review: The Pursuit of Happyness

Rich Cerow

"Dad, for your first day of work don't forget what you always told me: try to get tail and never let Carlton win."
Oh, man, I didn't even have to watch this one - with a purposefully-misspelled title like that, you know this movie is taking it to the xxx-treme! You might as well line up for your tickets now, because Will Smith is back, baby, and he's bringing some little kid with him! Korn, Staind and all the rest better watch out when the Fresh Prince's new band start to rock out, undoubtedly repurposing "Just the Two of Us" again, except this time with buzzsaw guitars! He's too busy blowing out giant, Doc Brown-designed amplifiers while skateboarding on his custom-built half-pipe on the moon to care about proper syntax! He doesn't even know what syntax is! But he sure loves exclamation points, especially when they come in glorified press releases like this one!!! Seriously, The Pursuit of Happyness is gonna be the feel damn good hit of the summer. It's ready to mop the floor with all the other single working father trying to raise his kid right despite all the temptations of the street heartwarmers. And Will Smith should definitely start a heavy metal band. Then he could tour with KISS, and "Nightmare on my Street" could become a really dark, disturbing anthem about suburban alienation and how, like, nobody really understands you. Your parents don't remember what it was like to be your age, trust me. Only Will Smith gets you; he's the one who said "Parents Just Don't Understand," and brought the hip-hop lingo (along with some very greasy cheese steaks) out from the mean streets of Philly to your lush Bel-Air home.

What your girlfriend will think of you if you take her to see The Pursuit of Happyness: Well, I don't know about you, but I always love it when they throw Jazz out the front door. So I am heading in expecting some seroius Jazz-tossing in this flick. And I don't care who does it; it doesn't have to be Uncle Phil. Give that little kid a shot. I'm sure Will Smith's got some pent up issues with the guy; I mean, they've been working together for 20 years, I'm sure there's some frustration there. It doesn't even have to be out the door of a mansion. Jazz could sail out of any kind of portal - one of those little round windows on a boat, tossed out of the third story of a crack house, thrown into an inter-dimensional portal, where he'll wind up having to use his scratching skills to get a dragon dancing and save a fair wench. Actually, that last one sounds even better than this movie. Somebody get on making Jazz's Journey to the Old-Timey Dimension: The Break-Dancing Wizard's Tale, the first in a series.

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