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90 Second Movie Review: “Robots”

Rich Cerow

Hey, folks, and welcome to the first installment of 90-Second Movie Reviews. Just so you know, we do things a little differently around here; these are all movies that I pretty well adamantly refuse to see (at least until they’re on DVD). So, instead, I just watch the trailer to it and say something either generally unpleasant about the feature in question or talk about a completely unrelated topic. Since this is the first time I’m doing this, I picked a nice, juicy, succulent target: Robots. A good rule of thumb is, if Robin Williams is in it, it is fair game for a thrashing. You know, if you’re British and have been drinking pints at the Winchester all day and use words like “thrashing.” Anyway, on with the review:
This robot's head was made from a leftover Rocketeer helmet.

While watching the trailer for Robots, two things struck me: A) that “Baba O’Riley” can apparently be used to sell anything, especially this since it makes heavy use of synthesizers, which means robots would obviously love it, and B) at one point, one of the obviously evil robots (which you can tell because it looks vaguely grouchy, and probably wouldn’t lead you on a wacky adventure like that delightful Robin Williams-voiced ‘bot with a ‘tude would – man, I hope he makes some reference to pop culture but transposes it to their mechanical world, like saying he’s a big fan of Britney Gears or something like that), gets angry because “she” is referred to as a “he.” And I thought it was odd that in a children’s movie, they are trying to pass off the idea that robots are definitively gendered. Now, I buy that one robot can be more effeminate than another (look no further than C-3PO and R2-D2 for such a case), but the level of indignation that this evil robot displayed clearly indicated that she didn’t just have proclivities but was actually packing girl robot parts. Are we to assume that these robots are sexually reproducing? Or are they just cosmetically male and female, with parts and appearance but no actual working bits? I feel like if I go see this movie these questions will never be answered. So my final verdict is, stay away, unless you want the mysteries of the universe unraveled before you.

What your girlfriend will think of you if you take her to see Robots: That you’re six. And if you actually are six, she’s a sick, sick woman. Or she’s six, too, in which case you two are so cute together. Look at little Johnny, he’s got himself a girlfriend. That’s adorable.

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